Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

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havnt blog for a long long long time liao. much has happened for this month plus. setbacks after setbacks. fall down then pick up again, as i watch other ppl like easily achieve things. well dunno. maybe i achieve acadamic results much easier than ppl? play dota better than ppl? haha. much changes, improvements, i dunno, many things la. seems like ppl like dun rly trust me lol, even though i help them, maintain gd relations, but still like treat me like some evil guy sia. always been this case. like in jc. haha maybe nt so exaggerated la. lol ppl skeptical that such a gd guy exists? hahahaha. ma de i dun rly noe wad i typing lol. bball training has come to a halt due to lack of time, or more accurately more lazy, and to give skin more time to rest with other activities. have a clearer picture of wad i want in life, yet it seems like very difficult. argh. on a side note office relations with non nsfs are getting even better, nsfs, well getting along fine, we'll c about that now that sth have changed. going to learn driving, btt tml, hope i dun fail or will be damn lau kui LOL. need to get money for driving lessons as well. yep anw shouldnt be wasting too much time thinking wad to blog lol. have other better things to do sia.

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lol havnt posted for quite some time liao, nowadys dun feel like blogging le, both no time and lazy haha. bball havnt been training nowadays too, bo time also, sat morning also lazy lol. nv train alr sia for like 3 weeks i suppose. lazy la haha and face abit fucked up. nowadays l earning many new things, opening up lo.

but seriously i now fully understand wad it feels like to "fight with a pig". haha. super dulan. yea ppl change just like that. used to think gd person, in a year turn into someone i dunno alr. nvm. burn burn burn.

不要跟猪打架

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ok an update for the last 2 weeks, though i dun remb much. work wise getting more and more negative lol do gd no one remb, do bad jiu gan. then do for wad. haiz.

anw sat i think i shot 100 plus shots, then jiu go out liao. night went amk watch wil teo pool awhile b4 go home slp. sun stayed at home nua i think i forgot le.

k this week. tues night bballed, shot 200 plus shots, played a few matches. cant catch pass properly, cant shoot fast enough, dribble not much chance to dribble so dunno, defence hmm. the guy took a few steps, used some footwork and was pass me alr. first time c stunned. using my hands to defend instead of following him with my legs. instint i guess. gotta improve. other than that ok i can still follow. but somehow ppl keep banging into me sia. hmm maybe is i foul sia in those kind of circumstances. hmmm. dunno y leh i dun intentionally go bang them de leh just happen to be there. shooting nt accurate also. got xiao mei mei there also lol cute.

sat morn played match again. nth much, bo simi nice pass, they all quite tall, so passing to inside quite hard. defence wise guard outside, the fatter guy cant pass me much. i notice they want to use trick fake me nt so easy, but if they sudden burst of speed past me quite easy sia. shooting nt there yet also. i cant seem to shoot in a match, think too stressed alr.

this sun, morn bballed again, shot 100 shots, then kah wee alford come then play match against 3 guys, 2 is big one and one shooter. defence ok, starting they can pass but later getting used to it and can follow. but i also realised i anyhow jump de sia. that guy nv do anything i jump alr. shooting also nt there zzz. then night went out with ade, watch transformers. alot action but plot wise ok only. after that then walk walk ard orchard b4 go home. yea nth much liao lo.

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k workwise. nth to blog about work ba. oh ya my fren just ORDed, so left me, new guy and fucked up guy. haiz sian. well at least getting along with other ppl there so ya. haiz now one less debating partner lol.

anw this week hmm. sat wtf i do ah cant remb. oh yea fri stayed over at wil hse, tok abit cok, then slept le lol while wil and cw carry on dota. better not sleep so late in case my skin flare up again. then woke up alr at 9 plus 10, slack ard, then go out le. then night reach home jiu slp lo lol.

today bball. damnnn. my defensiev prowess hmm seems to be weakening lol, my legs kinda getting slower, and heavier, shooting im too slow to get a shot damn. passing hmm today bo simi teamwork sia bo nice pass. just normal pass nia. speed also slow. anw today nv win one game at all sia lol fucked up. bo lang to pass siaaa, i stare at bok bok stare at me, ownself cut also flop. shoot also nt fast enough. lolll. but kept trying lo. somemore leg cramp fucked up. can only watch them play full court. wasted this opportunity damn. damn i shld go jogging sia, or maybe train jumping abit, and next time stretch b4 hand. not bad sia the thoguht of giving up never occurred lol even though i lost every match. got to keep this up. damn got to train to shoot even further sia, my range is still to close to the defence also. oh ya still nt bending my knees and keeping low, even worse then last week.

after that went out makan, then go out again lo.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

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another week gone. workwise nth much, im used to taking arrows alr. tried some things i nv tried before this week, quite interesting. but a bubble kena burst by kr lolll, now abit, no is quite demoralise sia.

anw. weekend ok nth much. today bballed in the morn, pathetic attendence. suppose at 9, teo came at 945, olk came at ard 1015, kr came dunno wad time sia. 1v1 olk for a few balls, hmm my legs nt moving fast enough nt sidestepping fast enough yet, easy to fake too. offensewise cutting still looking at floor, cant look up. sat shot 200shots, prac dribble abit, but too hot didnt finish the driibbling prac and close up shooting. sun shot 100 times b4 teo came. so 900 shots more before extend. still nt much strength sia. shoot 100 times alr shag le. hmm still cant shoot the way i want during acutal situation, when im nt in like practice mode. lol seems like im the only one left blogging about bball lol. at first alot de haha.

anw. damn now gotta save up more sia. spending more and more lol. abit lost now lol transition period in my life sia. haizz. hmm but noticed i've already changed abit sia, improved abit le, but is losing myself lol.

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ok its been 2 weeks since i blogged, quite an interesting 2weeks i think. work wise damn seriously my work is piling up sia. bo si gan liao la gg. other than that hmm im bored with my psp alr, need some new game to spice things up zzz. hmm walked ard this 2 weeks, seen alot heard alot talked alot too. learnt quite some interesting yet troublesome stuff. wad a pain.

anw. hmm calculating from my past entries i think i shoot 800 times alr. hmm prob ard 1200 more before i extend the distance. anw today bballed in the morn, with bang jie kr teo and bj fren. lol less ppl is easy to pass lol. hmm shooting although hitting but its nt the way leh mostly tyco tyco, dribbling hmm cant cut yet but getting abit more stable. and perform this new trick heheheh learn from micheal jordan one sia la is effective de sia pro's trick is really different. but i didnt do it properly completely yet, so didnt work fully. hmm have to stay low more, keep my head up when trying to cut, jump higher when doing the close range shot. and still is damn shagged. 4 match nia. sibei long nv do full court alr, dunno if full court how would things be like. oh downstairs now having some bball competition, i c the ppl their way, is like keep run up and down one, very rushed, nv do much pass one sia, like one man force his way in. and kena double team still dun care try to force it. they sths still can hit it, but dun like their style sia, so risky. nv plan nv set up anything. but there is a lot of running lol. anw after bballed then went to bj hse to bath, then go watch terminator. ok nia. story hmm like abit complicated leh. after that jiu go home le.

hmm next week. monday alr will kena crap le zzz. haiz . where is my 3sgt u bastards...

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nth much again this week. peaceful week cos the other cb didnt come for most of this whole week, dun have to c his fucking face.

anw. no bball this week, nth much.

today morn wil come ard here eat breakfast , then tok about future, about job, money, foundation, life, and on the whole making time useful, path to success. hmm didnt know he doing business now sia haha. hmm nt wasting time huh. maybe i will go learn driving as well huh. haiz seems like dun learn cannot lol. hmm make my life more useful... i'll take note of it.
anw afternoon shoot ard 200 shots, damn shaggeddd. after that prac dribble abit and prac shooting from below a little bit. lol ppl walk pass look at me like some weirdo lol paiseh.

anw now father scolding bro for having a gf. tok win him use force. next time if i have the chance i wun even tell him. waste my time only. ah wtf.

hmm next fri off yesh. haha.

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well another week gone, nt a bad week. work wise damn went outstation on a fucking hot day, sweated, itched and scratched. fuck the outstation, hate it. also big boss gone liao damn, there goes another nice guy. hope the new boss fuck the pa left right centre. die jialat jialat. haiz starting to hate but also like my workplace more. funny isnt it. if only i had power, then i will screw them up. heh if i had power then wont even mess with me in the first place. well now powerless can always approach those with power for help. pyscho them abit ask them go fuck the pa deep deep. haha. maybe i will.

weekend hmm. fri sat psped as usual. and bejeweled too on facebook. tempted to bball on sat, but in the end didnt. today bball flop, one match rain. but 6 ppl only so nt much affected. after that arcade/rot then go home. then tempted to bball again lol but well laziness won. then played abit, dota abit. nth much this week. next few weeks will be rather boring, and maybe hectic.

haiz a no bball week is always a boring week lol.

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long weekend again yesh. nth much as usual.

today bballed, nt bad weather. guess my prayers was answered haha. hot but nt too hot. anw today was quite shiong, wil fren brought another fren, quite big size sia. fit too. can shoot too. are all bball players like dat, all big, all can go for rebound also can shoot 3 pointers also. at the end quite shagged, having to play against so many tall guys. dribble cui, shoot hai hao. bo simi nice pass also. guess its hard to pass playing 4v4 instead of 3v3. pass alr run will c another guy. hehe played with kahwee abit today, shoot when he think i going run, run when he think i going shoot. most satisfying moment, to c that he dunno i going to do.

after that rotted awhile then go watch xmen, cool, c some characters last time nv show de, such as gambit. lots of action haha nt bad.

dled dynasty warriors strike force, totally changed the dynasty warrior concept, turned into i think devil may cry style, beat boss nia. no one man kill one thousand liao. freaking hard the game, those bosses always liek 3ppl gang so frustrating.

o i got facebook alr too. haha c my office ppl keep playing fb i also wan play.

hmm next week got one more holiday also, dunno will get off or wad bo. hope got leh. hehe. nth much, dynasty warrior taking up most of my time, didnt think much.

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same thing another dman hot week. when will this end sia fug.

anw. nth to do this week. no bball, no go out. stay home pia star ocean, just finished it. abit interesting game. hmm nth much alr.

hong xin da jiang just ended, c nyonya getting so many awards really disgusts me, and also c ou xuan that block of wood get award also sian. gd thing best actress goes to bai wei xiu nt to ou xuan. but bai wei xiu also nt that gd anw. and i noticed felicia chin wah really go plastic surgery iszit centre become bigger le and somemore wear revealing somemore. can fight fiona le. anw yi qie wan mei didnt get much recognition sia sux even michelle chia didnt get into top 10. and the best drama series goes to nyonya, which is like damn fucked up. the story is cannot compare to yi qie wan mei lo, so lame. mediacorp is so bias.

anw. after some suspicious activity i noticed this afternoon, i saw yihongs blog which confirmed that he and amelia stead liao. hmm no wonder their display pic so hmm, and their msn nick also so suspicious. haha seems like quite a bit of girls attrated to yihong sia, even me also admire him lol. kinda like a big brother to me. charismatic guy he is. nt say very shuai or have some zai talent, but is just charismatic. hmm interesting. i just saw another display pic, wah 2 different person hands with a ring on each hand. lol.

hmm next is a long weekend yesh. rain more pls next week, long weekend great for bballing. haiz dunno wad to say sia. ring huh. ha.

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damn hot week this week.

sat went out with pks they all watch taken, lol rather violent show, but still ok. the way he does things, shld be like that, instead of letting enemies live after they surrender, he just shoots them in the head. kills them all, no mercy.

nth much this week, damn hot sia. maybe the end of the world is seriously coming, so damn hot. lol will it happen at 2012. 3 more years nia.

anw fri went to shoot again, ard 250 shots. cant get the ball to fucking spin backwards, it always spins slightly sidewards, dunno y fucking frustrating. somemore super hot, the air doesnt even move at all, despite being so open court. rain plssss. o great patapon, pls do the rain miracle and save us from the heat...

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not normal to c me blog on a weekday.

self pwn myself dip dip today with extremely weak and childish logic while trying to argue to this superior i despise about some lame thing. so unlike me to self pwn, norm only i pwn ppl, nv pwn myself. pwn myself for trying to argue for the sake of arguing and not for logic.

wtf is wrong with myself this few days. low morale, fucked up judgement leading to fucked up passing, now fucked up logic. fucked up. better wake up my idea. this week bball better wake up.

arghh.

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ho a long weekend yesh. preety peaceful week without needing to go to tuas this week phew. the price to pay for waking up late is to tahan the hot sun, resulting in sweat and the crazy itch, which i gladly prefer to wake up early and go office instead.

anw. thurs. afternoon came back, went to bball on my own. prac some handling. then night went with kr do some shooting about only 150 shots, then match some other ppl at the court. hmm really fumbling sia, i nv been at the recieving end of my own type of pass b4, so really nt used to it. things start to go downhill. keep making wrong decisions, cant really focus well.

fri, slept really late, dunno y quite tired. afternoon shot 75 shots b4 it started to rain zz. nice weather damn it. night went again shot another 200, trying to get the flick right, and eliminating the extra adjusting, getting it off my index and middle finger instead of the last 2, and catching it off the bounce for a shot, without extra adjustment.

sat. afternoon same thing, about 75 before it rained again. night was weird. after the 1st 150 felt that i nearly got the flick right. further away was harder, tends to go haywire. after resting shoot again, all haywire, even up close couldnt get it. totally lost it. then tried to prac some handling, also gg couldnt feel the damn ball at all, haywire. totally demoralise. all that prac still zero improvement.

sun. carry over the demoralise from sat, didnt fell like attacking at all. just defend. bad judgement, slow reflexes, same couldnt shoot right too. well at least defending was alright, didnt think anyone did cut me today, could keep up. though foot work still needs work, legs still abit tangling. hmm feels like the basketball we play now going back to the old ways, more of individual skill alr haha. cos of my bad judgement ba. damn next week i wun eat the medicine again, c if it helps. still have to prac my shooting until i get it right, until it becomes instinctive. rather difficult to break a habit, just like in djmax trying to adapt to another button configuration is really confusing.

anw. after bball went to watch knowing. a rather wtf movie. rather scary, the way it was showed. and the music is really gg. makes it much worse. rather weird ending lol. anyway thx for zhiheng for the shoe, haha thx alot. but still nt much chance to wear it sia haha. quite nice, nice colour design and all.

anw skin has been downhill recently, ears healed now is face and neck. damn y do i keep scratching when im asleep. zzz.

haiz, on the whole, its haizzz.

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haiz today bball cui. cant keep up sia damn shagged. half court nia somemore. can jump abit higher, block a few shots, the rest all cui. is it all that i can do, am i at my limit already. shag really cannot think. last few ball keep accidentally fighting with own teamate damn lau kui haha. lol better work harder. if wil nv say last match wan nua ur dai ji i think i would have nuaed haha. anw. hmm 4v4 is quite different from 3v3 sia. no space, inside is quite difficult to go. if full court worse, 10 ppl one side. hmmm. haizzzzz. sux. nua nua nua. weak. everytime i am the most shagged de sia. panting like a dog everytime haha.

anw next week is good friday yay. long weekend. and cw going to enlist alr sia. gd luck for him.

dunno wad to write.

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hmm nt a bad week. seminar went smoothly phew. one down, now alot more shit coming sianz. hmm so it seems that the pa has many enemies haha. even the super nice ppl also dun like her. nice.

anw. tdy bballed. quite flop, only 5 ppl, and one retard stranger kid. damn didnt use my second trick at all sia, keep using the 1st nia. the 1st trick is like instinct liao, though nt successful. shooting cui. hmmmmm. anw the stranger kid quite retard sia, dunno wtf he doing, he still think he damn pro still damn zuai bin sia. haha screen him like 2 times he whining like i foul like that then come bang me. push still push lose i push him away he nv come bother me again haha. seen him couple times before alr, always like damn act pro sia, yi ta hu tu. feels great to own him, see him helpless and block him. nt like i like to say ppl noob, but who ask him so zuai bin. want pass ppl open alr still dun wan pass then still make signal to teammate to make themselve open. anw today damn hot, so no ppl i think still ok not 2 wasted.

after that went wil hse rot a while, then go j8 makan, then go home le. nth much.

next week will be interesting. office politics nt so fun when u dun have any power zz.

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today bballed, quite fun tdy. no sun, court nt too wet, great weather, nt itchy. think could jump abit higher, move abit faster, dribble maybe abit improvement,though after i fake the guy and the guy falls for it, i cant control the ball. shooting haiz. too anxious sia tdy cant shoot properly. today nt so tired also, prob cause no sun to sap away all the energy. only today nt much ppl, but 3v3 also quite fun. passing alot sia, now like to start the ball so that can setup and lead the attack. i think i starting to able to pass to the open guy more, or maybe is ppl lazy to guard ba if got guard then cant pass. maybe read dear boys alot, thats y like passing also ba. when teammates run, get an opening that instant pass the ball and teamamte finish, the feeling also quite shuang, feeling of a gd pass, exploit the defense. just like dota, the instant the opponent have an opening, go in to kill. but if im the one finishing im stilll too slow. pass to me i cant dribble well also, so movement restrictred. point guard position now seems fun, too bad i cant dribble well. my chest pass not zhun sia, can pass properly always end up too high. one hand ok. hope to play until like know once teammate about to run then can pass , then exactly when he run past the guy he will catch the ball, ie before he open i already pass the ball le, nt like have to c him get open then pass. prob like the combo me and wil do, he pass me he run i catch it then str8 away bounce pass past 2 guys to him he lays it up. but now only wil, kahwee today also comboed with me once, can catch this pass , no one else does that, like run for an opening and know that i will pass to him when he reaches the opening. i cant really throw that hard to the guy str8 so fast that the defender cannot react, like in dear boys 2. i think teo also know i will pass to him too. the rest im nt so sure. cos its rather sudden and fast, so if the other person dunno ah, then i will like be throwing to air haha, then like im damn noob, which sux hahahha. hmm our bball group doesnt focus much on passing i think, i think geng liang passes well, but i always screw up cant catch his ball haha last time. he also long time nv play with us liao leh. dunno when i can totally play outside sia haha, now im like the only few tall guys around, me wil teo, kahwee can jump very high too. always have to get the rebound. i dun like to play inside de leh. but my shooting... gotta work on it. dunno if full court still can play like that anot, full court stamina is rly cui. one game then totally cui le. hmm full court also quite difficult sia, 10 ppl on one side, hard to get a spot to shoot, plus im slow, when i wan shoot ppl there le, and i cant go so far to 3 point. full court so many ppl also hard to recognise and then pass haha. 3v 3 easy not so many.

hmm seems like this blog has become a bball blog nia. lol i realised kr also start writing bball on his blog too, like me write the improvements weak points and all. now me wil kr blogging about bball on our blogs le haha.

today also went to watch mall cop. nt bad, quite funny. an average movie that chnl 5 will show prob like wad 1 2 yrs, sooner than other more famous movies. after that go wil hse watch ip man again. then go home. after bball felt very sleepy sia, prob the medicine yest. hmm also knee abit weird sia.

hmm after next week, will be one stone put down le, after the seminar. hope all goes well and the system dun chu stunt. haiz screw the pa. hate. oh a new nsf came in le sia, rich kid, can only speak english, but seems hardworking. seems quite smart also like me haha. jc kid. nt like the other fag, everything also dunno, dun have brain to go and think, dunno how to try, just say dunno. no wonder his relationship with his superiors quite shit, buay song him and fuck him. me and the other guy at least try, really dunno then at least nt so bad, use brain think abit sometimees can solve, cannot also nvm, next time thing do wrong also wun get fucked, get niao abit then over le. nt like him do wrong get fucked, nv do anything also get fucked haha. orbi. hard to tell, maybe he just dun like NS so attitude sux. everytime he say life in office very sian, sucky, feel like whacking him lol. ccb shen zai fu zhong bu zhi fu. no need go taiwan, go austrailia, no need stay in, no need wake up so early, no need kena extra, we dun even have duty clerk. can c girls, even our dept got one nt bad de, even though 30yrs old liao but at least better than nth. wad else to fuss about.

haiz nowadays street full of chiobu sia. hahas.

anw. a rather long post. hope next week bball can carry on like tdy. maybe a full court to test whether can carry on like tdy under full court conditions, though unlike can carry on haha.

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bballed today in the crazy hot sun, super shagged, shag until my lower body cant even move, walk ard like a penguin like that, damn weird. abit better this week, faster, abit more accurate, ppl more willing to pass me the ball to shoot hahahaha, at first can cut in a few times, after that ppl noe my one and only trick liao, so no use le. if today full court cfm gg, crazy weather.

after that went to watch watchmen, interesting movie, rather yin an. i liked the ending, where the good guys lose in the end. ppl who have power will win, and nt some miracle or wadever shit. hah im turning more and more evil day by day.

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lol corporal soon. anw the emo feel of 豪杰春香 worn off le, prob sat chiong one shot thats y will emo lol. anw. fri went snow city/ omni theatre for Hq rsn cohesion day. snow city is abit of a let down, no snow or wad, ice and sand nia, not like can pick up snow and throw, nth there except on one slope go up then slide down nia. quite fast lol when sliding down, so nt bad. overall the day was ok.

sat, ie today. did nth much, pia psp nia haha. c ltr will rain anot, if not maybe go bball abit ba. maybe tml morn also go bball on my own.

nt much thoughts this week as well.

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bdae week. as usual nth much in work, c the fucked up guy really pisses me off, and the senior want me to teach him some stuff, make me more piss off only. lucky in the end the senior teach himself, i dun need to c the fucked up face or hear the fucked up voice.

sat. whole day watching vidoes / psp, nth much as usual. save money this way haha. watched bleach, and 豪杰春香. wah damn niceeee siaaa. damn nice show. damnn nice rather emo and sad as well very funny also, and only 17 episodes, short and sweet. alot emo songs as well, one is the blog song. but i suppose must watch the show or wun have the emo feel. ma de listen to the songs feel rather heartache/emo / something like that / rather difficult /nan guo feeling sia.

sun. bball as usual. cui as usual, ma de write this until very sian. after first full court then haywire liao. anw if justin sees this, lol pai seh keep knocking/ foul dao u sia. im not violent, just abit clumsy haha. after that went amk, arcade abit, damn long nv arcade le, then go pool abit. after that jiu go home lo waiting dota.

anw thx wil and whoever who chip in for the bball, prob kr, teo olk, cw and anyone else haha. yesh finally got my own bball le, save me the trouble of buying it myself haha.


not much thoughts this week, i think i forgot them alr. maybe abit more emo becos watch hao jie chun xiang haha. keep listening to the songs haha.

one more thing. teo i cant c ur blog leh ma de. add me blizzardrulez@gmail.com

k makan now wait dota.

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so vdae week is over. nth much in this week as well, pretty slack haha. i suppose the busy times is going to start soon, but dunno when. sat went out makan with pks they all, pretty flop as usual, end up eating at long john. vdae lol c couples walk here walk there, alot chio bu out also lol. no bball this week also, rot at home ba. haiz now the weather fucking hot, im dying alr zz.

also i think im losing it already, the toll of enduring non-stop and lack of sleep is settling in. damn shagged sia. zz im going crazyy.

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another week, haiz the next public holiday will be a long long time later, so prob no more long weekends anymore. bball today, after that watched some chim jap movie black swindler, then go home dota. nth much in the weekends as well. havnt go town for quite come time le sia haha. dun wan to go anw, even so for next week loll. now settled down liao after clearing leave, x mas new year cny. nth much to blog anw, no new thoughts whatsoever, or maybe i forget le.

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a short week, nth much, cny every where, but i dun feel a thing haha. maybe feel abit weird abit aimless. currently skin down so cant do much anw. stay home this whole week lol, read finish naruto watching bleach anime, nth much. haizzz.

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cny huh. this yr more to wad i want, go down grandma hse rot a little while, shortest time this yr, hide in the room haha hide finish come out jiu zao go home, rot cny away. dota and naruto like crazy, watch a bit of tv here and there. peaceful cny indeed, but feels abit empty haha but its my wish anyway. sunday attempted to bbal but rain so too bad. this cny is much more n o feeling then last yr, i felt totally nth at all sia, nt awkward or scared or paiseh like the previous yrs when i c my relatives, just greet them with a handshake and a fake smile. seems like my bro is more enthu. even my cousin seems more enthu.

anw been reading naruto alot this few days, i shld say is a bit inspiring naruto. c naruto's spirit, and particularly lee's hard work and all. but still motivational things/quotes, i nv believed them anyway. and they all have special traits/talent/genius/bloodline/sealed monsters in them, so they were elite in the first place, no one purely peaseant from the beginning, maybe sakura was the most peasant among them. i think lthe comic also say lee was a genius, he can open the 8 gates.

back to work tml after the damn long weekend, wish there were more of these long weekends haha. end of january soon, ord closer liao loo.

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bball again today. stamina just as cui. dribbling and shooting nt much chance, but is cui nevertheless. nt there when i need it. pass can pass abit harder i think. haiz week after week, nt much improvement. but of course just once a week each week makes nt much diff.

anw. after bball rot ard in wil hse watch naruto after that watch zheng ren / beaststalker. hai hao. after that jiu zao liao.

wad else this week. hmm office well nth much, this week seems to pass by faster. nt much gan xiang this week as well, or i think i forgot wad i wanted to say le. hmmm today go wil hse c her facebook, haiz lol. jiu like dat lor. haiz. all my wishful thinking from the start. next time if there is a next time, will hold back le.

haiz. emoing is easy cos can just emo about things and no need to think how to improve / solve. no wonder many ppl like to emo. and drink.

haiz off to dota, cny coming soon, need to c relatives and fu yan them again cum awkard situation plus stone. but this yr tv got alot nice show, guess will be staying at home rot.

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bballed today, quite fun, shooting seemed to improved just a little, didnt have much chance to dribble and pass too, so cant really tell. speedwise seemed to have decreased though, endurance also seemed to dropped, or maybe they are just faster by abit. Maybe one week of inactivity have taken its toll. after that rot awhile in wil hse, stalk ppl abit, then went amk pool, not much change lol. now im blogging alr.

face skin cui, everyday new wounds again damn. at least body is ok.

anw haiz nowadays coming home walking back to house, look at the sky, the surroundings, so big so wide. seems like so little time to c all this sia. play finish crisis core, the story ok la abit sad, but hear the background music, more emo sia. thinking about how emo the music is, listening to it, thinking abou the ppl around me, my life, my skin, bball, future career, so many things, so many unknown. i dun really noe wad i want animore haha. think about the book in feeling, recapping the feeling , feels horrible ugh. feel like i havnt c the world enough yet sia, havnt experince enough, havnt feel enough, havnt know enough havnt life enough yet. but sths can be so lazy to live, just wasting time. thinking abou tmy job next time, engineer work long hours nt so gd pay, maybe burn sat as well, then where will have time to live life with my job. next time must try to find a more slack engineer job that wun burn weekends haha. or go up to management, which i think im nt suitable. hiaz think about the music, so beautiful, the scenery also nt bad, all the green and all, than think about wad actually is beautiful, wad do i noe about this, think about many things jiu dui le haha.

haiz feel sth wrong somewhere haha. i think i perform better in a group than solo haha, like in co im one of the better one in the big group, but in jc my section damn small, i cui alr. gain strenth/ support from people around me, even if they dun need to do anything, just their presence makes a diff, alr. so maybe i feel lonely rite now, everyday in the office only got 2 other nsf, one which i despise alr due to fucked up attitude. but last time stay in also feel lonely leh, even thought got camp frens, maybe lost touch with civi world also feels lonely.

last time sec 4 i think was my most happy time haha, with a huge clique like half the class, originally was wil tan, me kr, matthew aloy zheng cong guo hui vincent this ppl, then after sitting at the back at sec 4, got to know danny ming hui ambrose this, and the whole clique merge or sth. tok cok gamble go lan dota maple tgt, life was fun. or maybe i havnt grow up yet last time. jc 1 near end and jc 2 first few months also quite happy, cos keep toking to her haha. after that haiz go down the drain. haiz i think uni life may be lonely, as like dun have fixed classes and all, hard ot make frens. jc alr nt very happy with the class le, cos the clique stick so damn close to each harder and never mix, dun have bonding de lo, want bond ler and ken always pon how bond, j2 they force sitting plan then bond abit at the back with yihong ade and kahyan abit, then get to know their clique abit liao. also co ade right infront of me so got talk. but still damn hard to make one big group like back in cat high, one big clique sing song talk cok play then o levels all gan chiong tgt study, and when one person exam do well all will like bully/tease/play abit for fun that type. jc wah lau abit stress sia like everyone beneath all wan to climb to the top like power struggle like that, cannot lose cannot lose like that, so full of motives, nt like sec so pure/naive. next time in life, even worse alr, ppl wan promote, gou xin dou jiao, how to find such frens alr. my office for example is a dman fucked up gou xin dou jiao place alr, ppl all stabbing in eac other's back, they tell us nsfs cos we like harmless and dun get involved, maybe just their punching bag haha. no wonder nowadays ppl rather play with computer than have social interactions, a com have no intentions behind, or wan to suan u or make sacarstic remarks or take over ur job all these, nt like humans, have to defend against ppl.

now i think im just wasting my 2 years haha, or rather just learning office relations, how to get along with ppl in the office, all the office skills ba, then come back home jiu just relag and play psp, like abit wasting my 2 years haha. nt doing anything productive haha, nt upgrading myself like learning driving or studying or sth. just feel lazy, just wan to slack sia. and not interested in driving as well, but seems like i have to learn it sia. i think the past me wouldnt have mind slacking haha, but her hardworking traits have rubbed off/on me, now like slack will feel abit guilty or sth, like cannot slack must keep working like that.

haiz i also dunno wad im writing alr, go prepare dota le.

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lol seeing ks nick, heart shattered and all the shit, haha so emo sia. sort of undertand how he feels. saw her facebook, she got a bf alr liao. considering her nick and all, not that surprising. that marks an end to this ba. 之能远远看你liao haha. ks still has a heart to be shattered but i dun anymore. now more like my skin shattering damnit. if i heal by this weekend maybe i will go buy bball alr. then wil they all may come to my hse here bball. well back to star wars, enough of thinking

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well blogging again due to new year. a short recap, new yr eve find pks ken ler xings go seoul makan abit, ken buy shirt then zao home -.-. outing more and more cui, always eat le then zao home, last time always go arcade haha. go home watch abit of countdown on tv and downstairs de concert, then watch dao huo xian then slp. new year bballed, then go wil hse watch 10 promise to my dog and sex is zero 2. haha i like bballing 3v3, got space, nt so tiring as full court where physical matters so much. feel like improve a very little bit more, got to work on my pass, must make it a point to pass harder and faster, but no strength always. and must also make it a point to look up when trying to dribble past, nt stare at the floor.

anyway. new year sia. last time always dread new year, cos means holidays is over, another year of work again. well this year feels abit like, with all the leaves and holidays in november and december end le, another year of work. but one more year to ord, so not bad. last year new year, still need to book in, the feeling was damn fucked up. lol the book in feeling. hate it. thank god i know no need to, or i will be tearing as i bath. and emo like shit.

oh ya bok also have gf liao sia. lol. who would have known he will have gotten one earlier than everyone else. everyone was like making fun of him suan him haha. and he looks like so into it, so serious. the 10 promises to my dog was rather touching too lol, seeing the warmth in the family, to the dog, makes me feel both guilty, helpless and a bit of bo chap as well haha. and the sex is zero at the back the guy sacrifice himself, also quite touching as well. come to think of it im a idiot sia during a's that time wad if i screwed my a's becos of her, wad if i affected her a's results also with my selfish behaviour that time. end up she got str8 a's proves that i make no difference and also have no impact on her as well haha. oh well. bball and my skin is my priority now ba. but lol i think next time sch team will only be a dream lol.